Prompt Response: Why Empathy is Important
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What’s the most underrated life skill?
Thinking of Others
Thinking of others, caring for others, loving others, and understanding others are all very important life skills. But, sadly, each of them can be performed without having the genuine skill of empathy as a guide.
A person might feed someone because it makes them feel good to share, or they might feed them because they have personal experience with hunger and don’t want someone else to go through it. Or they might march for a cause because they belong to a group that supports it but not because they have real-world experience with the issue.
Learning to Understand
When I sit in a regular height chair, my feet will not reach the floor except maybe my toes. Two things happen then: a hard seat will push into the backs of my legs and cause pain, or the sciatic nerve that runs from my hip down to my knee will pull and create days of pain. So I’m always saying to my husband, “You normal height people have no clue what it’s like to live in a world that’s not built for short people.” Before knowing me, he might never have even thought about why some people carry cushions with them everywhere they go. Now, because of experience, his empathy developed.
Natural Empathy
There are some people who have more of a natural empathy skill, just like people who are naturally gifted artists. Those people can think of what someone else is going through without their issues having ever been part of their life experience. If their empathy makes them feel things like they are experiencing it with the person their heart is moved for, they’ve gone past being empathetic and into being empathic. But for most people, empathy comes along and asks them to get on board, and they either accept it or reject it. If they accept it, it’s a skill they can learn and even improve on with time.
Genuine Empathy is an Extremely Important Skill
So why would I say it’s one of the most underrated skills? Simply because it is a driver of many other skills. It drives people to stop what they are doing for themselves and pay attention to someone else’s needs. It drives people to dig into their savings to collect for someone’s provisions. It stirs up a what if that were me or my family or friends kind of vibe that drives a person to step up and do their part to remedy a problem. Without real empathy to drive helpful behaviors, good deeds can cause distress and lead to those scenarios where a person says, “I was only trying to help.”
Don’t Stop Helping
Even if you do not have natural empathy, and even if your efforts to help have sometimes created a problem, don’t stop being helpful. That’s its own wonderful skill. And those who get offended by someone’s effort to help that isn’t exactly what they would’ve wanted need their own empathetic skills, so they don’t hurt a person with a tender and helpful heart. But, it’s a good idea to examine both your motivations and your understanding to see if you can learn ways to improve your helpfulness.
The Best Example of Empathy Ever Given
YahShua (Jesus) once dwelt in heavenly places far above humanity. The Scriptures tell us that He left His throne on high to dwell as one of us and become able to share the human experience.
“Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death — even death on a cross.”
He became our High Priest both to counsel and to sacrifice.
“Now since the children have flesh and blood, He too shared in their humanity, so that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death, that is, the devil.
For this reason He had to be made like His brothers in every way, so that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, in order to make atonement for the sins of the people.”
And He told the disciples that the greatest love anyone could ever have was to lay down their own life for a friend.
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
The Life Skill of Genuine Empathy is Rooted in Real Love
It’s not always easy to think of others. The voices all around us remind us how much we risk if we think of others. “You might catch something.” “They may not be grateful.” “You better ask first.” The division and lack of unity created by living our lives on screens and in fear don’t help us to love others or even think of them without counting our own costs first. A scenario where some government organization fines groups giving out sandwiches to hurricane victims because they didn’t get a health license first makes people hold back on empathy and love for fear of getting in trouble.
But if we see these things, we can change these things. And we need to change them for future generations to prevent the divide from growing any wider. Many children are naturally empathetic, and that needs to be nurtured in them as much as possible. It’s okay to tell them they are talented or special, but not at the expense of them believing they are more special than everyone else. They MUST be taught to see through the eyes of others outside themselves.
It hurts me deeply when I see videos of a group of teens attacking an elderly person. I mean, any innocent victim being attacked and beaten is not okay, but knowing how brittle and sensitive someone gets with age makes those attacks seem that much more brutal. 🥺 If we teach the youth about the frailties of age, AND we teach them to love their neighbor, they shouldn’t be able to carry out those attacks without any thoughts of how the victims feel.
WWJD
Do you remember when those 4 letters were all the rage and becoming emblazoned on everything? That was a real effort to create real empathy by thinking what it would be like from inside the heart of Jesus and how He thought of the hearts of people with whom He interacted. I think it’s time to boost this life skill back up to the top again.
And this seems like a perfect place to share my scrolling poem called “Beyond the Mirror” again.
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Multitasking With The Voices in My Head
Hubby Trying to Sleep with The Kitty on His Mind, by Crystal A Murray, All Rights Reserved
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Are you a multitasker? Do you try to focus on one thing but get distracted by many other things? If so, you’ll probably relate to some of the sleep humor on a board I found at Pinterest. My favorite pin said, “3 out of 4 voices in my head want me sleep. The other wants to know if penguins have knees.” That is so me when I’m trying to go to sleep. I can sit here trying to write my blog and fight a sleep attack, but when I actually lie down to sleep, my brain opens about 100 new tabs. 🙂 Of course, that could also be from having ADD, but being a woman and being a writer fit there somewhere too.
I thought about multitasking today because of all the plans I’m trying to make for the week, some of which are overlapping with each other. Beginning Wednesday evening at sunset, we have the weeklong festival of Sukkot. It’s one of the most exciting feasts of the Lord, and if you search my blog for posts on it, you’ll find many of them. Under the label of WWJD, I can tell you without a doubt that He would (and did) celebrate this feast. And, I don’t believe He only celebrated it because He was Jewish, but I think He was also celebrating His birthday. I’ll tell you more as we go through the week since I won’t be posting Torah portions as I was last year at this time.
In addition to our home festival celebration, my husband and I have been invited to help celebrate and open the Sukkah for our friends at Christian Country Cowboy Church. If you are ever in the Louisville area on the last Friday of the month, I highly recommend a drive out to LaGrange (about 20 miles from downtown Louisville). Parsons Zeb & Joy Son, along with the house band, put on a free country concert that rivals anything you might pay to see. It often includes a great headline act (many who are award-winning artists), and it always includes “Cuzin Gus and The Boys from Sasquatch Holler“ which is reminiscent of a skit on HeeHaw.
Finally, along with just the regular stuff of life, like laundry, dishes and paying bills, we still have the event for the writer’s group that will be either a huge success or a great big mess depending on the answer we get from the venue. I’m still trusting God to provide the answer we want, but there’s a bit of stress in just waiting for the official answer. And of course, just adding it to the “to do” list of the week adds it’s own time consumption.
I say all of the above to say this: the one time when my multitasking mind bothers me the most is when I want dedicated time in prayer. I mean, I like that prayer is one of the running tasks in almost everything I do, but it is very hard to slow it all down, so I can pray without interruption. Thankfully, we go back to what I’ve said so often about God knowing our human form. I know He knows the depths of my heart even if the voices in my head are speaking too loud for me to hear it.
Nevertheless, it is my challenge to slow down and focus during my times of prayer, and I pray the same for all of you who have the same desire. If you ever struggle with this, post a comment to let me know I’m not alone. If you have ideas that help, I’d love to hear those two. I’ll be glad to add your positive encouragements to the voices in my head.
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Give to Get
Giving Blesses Both the Giver and the Receiver by Flickr user Symphony of Love (aka pictoquotes)
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At one time, I subscribed to a marketing newsletter all about the concept of what the author called “Give to Get” marketing. It talked of things like when banks would offer new toasters and blenders to get new customers. That type of marketing now might be a free e-book download to encourage the purchase of an author’s new release. People always seem more willing to buy if they first know that you are a giver.
For me, however, I read that marketing newsletter more in the interest of how it applied to real life than to sales. And from what I see in today’s reading from Genesis 42:19 through Genesis 43:15, Jacob was a fan of giving to get as well. in the story, Joseph has told the brothers to leave one of them in jail and let the others go back and get the youngest brother, Benjamin, to prove they are not spies. They discuss it amongst themselves, and they do not realize that Joseph can understand the Hebrew language they are speaking because they are using an interpreter. In verse 24, we read that Joseph had to turn away from them to hide his tears over their discussion of how they deserved the current situation because of what they did to their brother Joseph.
They leave Simeon and start the journey back home, but at camp they realize that all their money has been restored. They don’t know that Joseph requested it to be that way, so they think it is more punishment. By the time they get home, Jacob is truly scared that if he lets his sons return with Benjamin, he will then have lost three of his sons. But eventually, the famine is too great to fight anymore, and since Joseph had told them they would not see his face anymore unless their brother was with them, Jacob agrees to send him. Reuben and Judah both promise him they will give up their own sons in the promise of returning Benjamin safely.
As Jacob sends his sons back, he sends them with double the money to make sure they will pay for the first supplies in case it is an oversight. And then (this is what amazed and blessed me) he tells them to make sure to bring gifts with them. He tells them to bring spices, perfumes, oils, honey, almonds, pistachios, and whatever goods they have to bless the man in charge of the food. In other words, he wants to give something to the man in charge in order to have a better chance to get his son(s) returned to him. And today’s reading ends with all of them, their gifts, their double portions, and their youngest brother standing before Joseph.
The giving first idea is so much better than today’s idea of entitlement. It’s better than demanding. It’s better than playing on people’s sympathies. How much more are you willing to help someone who says he will mow your lawn for 5 or 10 bucks than someone who just comes to your door asking for money to feed his family? Even God is all about give to get. He made a world to put humans in. And when we did not deserve it, Scripture tells us that God FIRST loved us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. If we are truly following a WWJD concept, we will also give first. Let’s see, how does the chorus of that Sunday School song go?
Oh, how I love Jesus, Oh, how I love Jesus, Oh, how I love Jesus, Because He first loved me.
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Do The Widow and The Orphan Cry Alone?
From the first time I heard songs by Don Francisco, I cried. He really gets to the heart of the gospel with his lyrics, and as a lyricist myself, I truly appreciate his honesty. The Steeple Song is one of those that asks the tough questions, including the one in the title. In addition, the song asks, “Do you make the poor man beg you for a bone?” It’s a song that reminds us what it means to ask and answer the WWJD question.
In today’s reading from Deuteronomy 24:14 through Deuteronomy 25:19 (the end of the chapter), we conclude another portion and another week. Shabbat Shalom. It’s a long reading, but the theme is pretty much about caring for others. It begins with Moses warning Israel not to exploit any hired workers who are poor and needy. Whether they are brothers or foreigners, if the hirers don’t pay them as they earn, Moses says they will cry out to God, and the sin will be on the boss who is withholding what he owes.
In addition to pay, Moses tells Israel not to withhold justice from the foreigner or orphan, and to remember they were once the same in Egypt. He also tells them that fathers and sons shouldn’t be executed for each others’ crimes.
Moses then talks to the people about sharing with the foreigner, orphan, and widow. He says that if they forget to harvest a grain, or if they beat an olive tree, or harvest a vineyard, they should not go back to make sure all the harvesting is done with nothing left. Any food remaining in the field, on the tree, or on the vine should be left for those in need. (My note: I notice that neither God nor Moses said to feed the needy by just giving it to them without making them do some kind of work for it. We should freely give to others, and our money is often our produce now, but it’s not wrong to want those in need to do their part–whatever they can do.)
As the chapter changes, Moses talks about disputes. When a judge decides that one person is wicked, that person must be flogged in the judge’s presence. The number of strokes must match the crime but never be more than forty.
Now Moses comes back to the subject of husbands and wives. If a husband dies while his wife is still childless, his brother must marry his widow and deem her first child as if it belongs to his brother. If he refuses, she will take him to the elders and perform a ritual that includes spitting and removing one shoe. It’s kind of funny to read about a family that all in town would then call “the family of the man who had his sandal pulled off.” A similar ritual is talked about in the movie “Loving Leah” where the brother must declare his deceased brother never existed if he refuses to marry his widow. It’s a great movie. (Note: The movie link is an Amazon Affiliate short link.)
Last, Moses talks about balance. Men should not carry two sets of weights in their packs since all people are to be treated the same, including when it comes to weights and measures. Correct and fair weights & measures come with a promise of prolonged life in the promised land of inheritance. And then Moses tells Israel to remember what Amalek did to them while they were tired and weary on the road from Egypt. He wants them to remember being vulnerable, so they can see that Amalek has no fear of God, and needs to be dealt with. He says that when they have had their rest, they are to pursue Amalek until their names are blotted out from under Heaven.
That’s a lot of teaching for one sitting, but all of it has the theme of how to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ and how to care for others whether or not they are brothers or foreigners, and whether they are poor adults or widows or orphaned children. All of it still has the theme of not mistreating others. In God’s plan of perfection, there will not be one person who thinks he is so much better than others that he has a right to harm them. Israel is always reminded to look back at Egypt, so she will not forget that life is about God’s provision, and He deserves all the praise for her deliverance and day to day life.
We, too, can look back at our own form of Egypt and remember that God’s grace is sufficient enough that we can become givers and offer love to everyone, no matter what their status. There are a lot of hurting people out there, and it’s not only our church cliques or our families that need a smile, a hug, or maybe a meal. If there is a need that God wants us to fill, and we turn our heads away, we may be in for a “movie” one day where we see that head turn shown at judgment. But, by God’s wonderful and amazing grace, we can repent now before it becomes a major box office flop. (No one wants to see a movie about selfishness, right?) May there be many who will care for the widows and orphans and foreigners instead of letting them cry alone.
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August 29, 2014 Posted by Crystal A Murray (aka CrystalWriter) | Bible Study, Nonfiction, Torah Commentary | Bible Commentary, Bible study, caring, Complete Jewish Bible, Deuteronomy, foreigner, Israel, Moses, needy, orphan, Scripture, Torah commentary, Torah Portions, widow, WWJD | Leave a comment