🎵Looking for Love—And a Father
In my last post, I shared the beautiful memory of my birth father—the man who tattooed my name on his arm as a mark of his love for me. But human stories are rarely simple. Sometime shortly after my fifth birthday, he was gone. And a little girl was left wondering: Why did he leave? What did I do wrong?
When your hero leaves, that important space is left empty. A lifelong search begins looking to replace everything that’s missing. Love; a father; protection; a new hero. If you don’t know what a father’s protective love actually looks like, you start looking for it everywhere and in everything.
In the years that followed, my mom made great efforts to replace what my little sister and I were missing. Men came and men went, many who tried to play “Daddy.” While some of them worked hard to live up to the name in their own fractured ways, darkness, addiction, and brokenness sometimes invaded those dynamics. Instead of finding safety, boundaries were broken that love should never have crossed.
When the very people who are supposed to protect you become the source of your wounds, the marks left behind may be invisible from the outside, but they are there nonetheless. These are not marks of love like a tattoo; they are stains of shame you feel the whole world can see on you. And those marks breed a quiet, devastating conclusion: If earthly fathers brought pain and abandonment, how could I ever trust an unseen Heavenly one to love me and stay in my life?
The “Foster Child” Mentality
By the time I was a teenager, I was looking for love—and a father—in all the wrong places, learning all too well how to live with a victim mentality. But God is a master of rescue. Years later, after I began walking with Him, He began the work of healing those old, deep wounds. Eventually, I was even able to find a place of reconciliation and peace with those in my past who had hurt me.
Yet, as wonderful as the healing was, a quiet barrier remained around my heart. Not having a solid and safe father figure while growing up left me entirely unequipped to comprehend God as a “Father,” especially as my Father.
I read the Scriptures about the “Spirit of Adoption” bringing us into God’s family, but in my heart, I still felt like an outsider. To me, God felt like the world’s best, safest “foster parent.” I knew He cared for me, but how could I accept Him as a true Father when I didn’t even know what that word meant? I wanted to be a real child of God, not just someone pulling up an awkward chair at a mixed family table.
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🎵An Ear in the Clouds
I’m keeping this post simple and focused. With the divisions and issues in the world right now, my heart has gone back to a prayer I wrote up for a group of praying friends back in 2013. It has never left me, and it’s even more urgent now.
MY PRAYER
If you had only one prayer to ask of Yahveh Almighty, what would it be? I asked myself this question and here's what I chose for my prayer...
Abba Yahveh (Father God), please make Yourself known to every living being. Become so evident and real to all men that there will be no denying who You are or what You desire. Let there be no more gray, no shadows, no wondering, and no confusion. Open up the eyes of every man that no one can have an excuse of ignorance, be they believers or anti-Christ. If they seek to serve You, may they know Who they serve, and if they stand against You, may they know exactly Who they are rejecting. May all who have even an inkling of desire to know You find You in Your fullness and awesome wonder. Be made known to all the earth this very day.
In the Holy Name of Yahshua HaMashiach (Jesus The Messiah), Amen!
Psalm 5:2-3 BSB
[2] Attend to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to You I pray. [3] In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; at daybreak I lay my plea before You and wait in expectation.
https://bible.com/bible/3034/psa.5.2-3.BSB
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Promises of a Loving Creator
We humans think we have it all together sometimes. Just because all the parts are available, including the ability to think and create, we think because we build something, we are some type of creative geniuses. Here’s a little joke that gets the point across well…
Now, in today’s reading in Genesis 14:21 through Genesis 15:6, the King of Sodom is trying to bargain with Abram about which spoils of war he will keep and which he will give to Abram. But Abram tells the king he will not take anything from him because he wants to be sure the king cannot say later that he was the one who made Abram rich. Abram wanted every thing he gained to be known as a gift from His Creator. He trusted God for the promise of riches, and He knew that meant God would have to be his only provider. We may have many blessings from mankind, but the very source is always our Father God.
This story portion ends with Abram’s conversation with God about not yet having an heir. So, while Abram knew God was his provider, here we get to see his human side as he wrestles with trusting God for his future promise of children that would outnumber the dust of the earth. Abram begins to reason that maybe it is a servant’s child that will become his heir, but God tells him once again that the promise will come from Abram’s own body. He then takes him outside and compares his future promise with the number of stars in the sky.
God knows our form, and He knows that we often trust what we see, which is why we so often trust the creation over the Creator, but He is also kind and merciful as He tenderly reminds us who He is and that His plans for us are always for the good. I love how this little story shows Abram both at his best and at his worst, and it shows how God is ready to bless him in both of those places. God is always the Creator, and He always wants to create wonderful things in our lives if we will keep our sights and trust set on Him.
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October 16, 2013 Posted by Crystal A Murray (aka CrystalWriter) | Bible Study, Nonfiction, Torah Commentary | Abram, Bible, Bible study, blessing, Complete Jewish Bible, create, Creation, Creator, Creator God, crystalwriter, dirt, Earth, Father God, flesh, Genesis, Genesis 14, Genesis 15, God, God the Creator, God's Word, heir, Holy Bible, humor, King of Sodom, Lord, made from scratch, Maker, man, mankind, Old Testament, plans, promise, provider, riches, science, scientist, Scripture, son, Torah, Torah commentary, Torah Reading, Torah study, trust, Word, Word of God, Word of the Lord, Yahveh, Yahweh | Leave a comment