On this day (Jan 15) in 2022, we officially said goodbye to the father of many. My sibling family is a large one consisting of both sisters and brothers. Some are half-siblings, step-siblings, and adopted siblings, but they are all mine. The sister I was raised with has her own special place in my heart and life, but I carry each of my siblings in pockets of my heart—and often to God’s throne in prayer.
You see, I am the first born to this man who was wild yet called. His life was a wrestling match of soul and spirit with a God who never gave up on him. He ran from God geographically (though that’s not truly possible), and he ran emotionally, but he always came back. Whether it was a grenade in the face when his tunnel rat duties got him too close to the enemy in Vietnam, or a moment when lyrics or poetry came pouring out of him to remind him that God still loved and pursued him, something was always pulling him back to a place to consider God again.
He left my mom and sister and I just after I turned 5 years old. My mom kept all his pictures and told me stories of things like his interview with Jerry Dunphy after the incident in Vietnam. She said he was in a hospital bed and told the reporter that he prayed for God to give him his eyesight back, so he could see his girls. My favorite picture was the one with guys from his Brave Lions group that showed my name tattooed on his arm. And, yes, I wrote a song about that tattoo.
The years after that were scattered and chaotic. He had multiple marriages and other children. I struggled with my mom’s emotional and spiritual issues. But something always made this little girl long for her daddy. One winter, as a teenager, I ran away and found him in Kansas. I didn’t stay long, and I’ll share that story in another post, but it wasn’t time for us to be a permanent family yet. During that short time, though, I got to see his poetic, musical, and artistic sides. I was only gifted the ability to write poetry and sing. I’ve tried to learn an instrument, but it just never settled with me, and drawing without the help of technology never came naturally. But I love that I can see him as the DNA source of my love for words.
Somehow, that thing of finding himself oft pursued by The Lord also came to me. In my case, I was looking for deeper meaning more than a good time party, but it still filled my life with a mix of dead-ends and a few major moments with God before I willingly gave my life to Him.
As I’ve met and gotten to know my siblings, I’ve found similar stories in their life journeys. Some have finally let God catch up to them, and some are still looking for other answers. But I still call our journeys Grace by DNA because it seems we all took pieces from our shared father’s journey and made them part of our own journeys. I’ll be gathering those journey stories into a book I started back in 2020, but I’ll tell you bits and pieces here in this blog.
While writing this post, I searched and searched for the tattoo song, but I cannot find it right now, so I guess it’s not time to share it. The gist is a comparison of my father’s tattoo with the carved names in the midst of God’s palm, and it’s called Daddy Can Never Forget Me. It talks about how even if he tried to have it removed, the scar would always remind him of me, and then it talks about the nail scars in Jesus’ hands. I sent the lyrics to my dad at one point, along with a letter reminding him that God could never forget him either. He said it made him cry, and I hope it planted a seed that helped to bring him back to The Lord in his last years.
We did have some periods of distance between us through the years, just as I had times where I was distant from my Heavenly Father. But, thankfully, Dad and I didn’t give up on each other. And God never gave up on either of us as He led us to an eventual reconciliation before Dad left this world in 2021.
Today, we begin Parashah (portion) number six for the year. It is the Hebrew word “toldot” and it means “history.” Our verses today run from Genesis 25:19 through Genesis 26:5, and they begin the history of Isaac and Rebecca.
We learn from the beginning that Rebekah was childless just as her mother-in-law Sarah was. I’m sure Isaac had heard the stories of Sarah’s pain in that, and I’m sure he heard about the failed attempts to do things man’s way instead of God’s way, so he sought God on behalf of his wife. God blessed Rebekah and allowed her to become pregnant, but it was a hard pregnancy. Not only was she pregnant with twins (and without an ultrasound or a gynecologist to explain it all to her), but the twins inside her were already rivals. They fought so much that the story says she wondered if it was even worth living through.
Rebekah made it through her pregnancy, and the children became what the Lord told her they would right from birth. The first to be born came out covered with hair and not at all delicate, so he became his father’s favorite. They named him Esau. The younger must have been fighting to be born first and came out holding onto the heel of his brother’s foot. They called him Jacob, meaning supplanter, and he was happy to hang around the house and spend time with his mother rather than living the wild life of a game hunter. She was happy with that. And I’m sure she also remembered God’s words to her that the older would become the servant to the younger.
The word supplanter also means usurper. It is not necessarily a complimentary name as it describes someone who unlawfully takes or steals something that was not meant to be his. And since Jacob was not the warrior type, he had to grab what he wanted by more subtle and conniving means. You’ll see this played out more than once as we read his story.
So, Jacob not only likes to hang around the house, apparently he also likes to cook. And apparently he does a good job of it. So, he decides one day to go sit outside and make a stew that everyone around could smell. I imagine it was one of those aromas that makes your mouth water even when you have just finished eating. Oh, but to someone who is hungry… And Esau was hungry. He came in from hunting and was tired and hungry, and he smelled that enticing aroma. He probably thought that just by asking, his loving brother would give him what he wanted. Not so. Instead, Jacob told Esau that if he wanted some of his lentil stew badly enough, he would trade his birthright as the first-born son for a bowl of it. And Esau was somehow so hopeless that he said his birthright would mean nothing to him if he died of starvation, so he made the trade. Scripture tells us that this shows how little Esau’s birthright meant to him.
The first time I read all this, I felt sorry for Esau and a bit frustrated with Jacob. But now it makes me wonder if Jacob was supposed to be the first-born from the beginning, and the fight in the womb came from Esau being a bully and pushing his way to the front. I’ve seen too many take something they were sure should belong to them and then not respect it, so I know it can happen. And I know Esau could have sought God to sustain him until he was able to eat if his birthright meant anything at all to him. And now I’m ready to see all the blessings that come from one who values what he has and what he will do with the blessing of the first-born. Stay tuned.
P.S. I placed a NaNoWriMo widget at the top of my page, so you can always keep track of my word count. I was out most of the day, but I am happy to say that I added over 1800 more words to my count today. And I’m even feeling good about my character’s day of time travel.
Crystal is, like her name, multi-faceted. She can even write about herself in third person and only feel a little awkward about it. 🙂 She loves to write; she loves kaleidoscopes, fractals, and all things colorful; she loves her husband, her family, and her feline furkids; and mostly she loves Yahveh Almighty, her Creator. She believes her creative mind is in her DNA from Him, and she believes He sees His creations as she sees the images inside a kaleidoscope–all different yet all beautiful and most beautiful when light (His light) shines through them.
Crystal Writes A Blog 
Sibling Rivalry To Die For
Today, we begin Parashah (portion) number six for the year. It is the Hebrew word “toldot” and it means “history.” Our verses today run from Genesis 25:19 through Genesis 26:5, and they begin the history of Isaac and Rebecca.
We learn from the beginning that Rebekah was childless just as her mother-in-law Sarah was. I’m sure Isaac had heard the stories of Sarah’s pain in that, and I’m sure he heard about the failed attempts to do things man’s way instead of God’s way, so he sought God on behalf of his wife. God blessed Rebekah and allowed her to become pregnant, but it was a hard pregnancy. Not only was she pregnant with twins (and without an ultrasound or a gynecologist to explain it all to her), but the twins inside her were already rivals. They fought so much that the story says she wondered if it was even worth living through.
Rebekah made it through her pregnancy, and the children became what the Lord told her they would right from birth. The first to be born came out covered with hair and not at all delicate, so he became his father’s favorite. They named him Esau. The younger must have been fighting to be born first and came out holding onto the heel of his brother’s foot. They called him Jacob, meaning supplanter, and he was happy to hang around the house and spend time with his mother rather than living the wild life of a game hunter. She was happy with that. And I’m sure she also remembered God’s words to her that the older would become the servant to the younger.
The word supplanter also means usurper. It is not necessarily a complimentary name as it describes someone who unlawfully takes or steals something that was not meant to be his. And since Jacob was not the warrior type, he had to grab what he wanted by more subtle and conniving means. You’ll see this played out more than once as we read his story.
So, Jacob not only likes to hang around the house, apparently he also likes to cook. And apparently he does a good job of it. So, he decides one day to go sit outside and make a stew that everyone around could smell. I imagine it was one of those aromas that makes your mouth water even when you have just finished eating. Oh, but to someone who is hungry… And Esau was hungry. He came in from hunting and was tired and hungry, and he smelled that enticing aroma. He probably thought that just by asking, his loving brother would give him what he wanted. Not so. Instead, Jacob told Esau that if he wanted some of his lentil stew badly enough, he would trade his birthright as the first-born son for a bowl of it. And Esau was somehow so hopeless that he said his birthright would mean nothing to him if he died of starvation, so he made the trade. Scripture tells us that this shows how little Esau’s birthright meant to him.
The first time I read all this, I felt sorry for Esau and a bit frustrated with Jacob. But now it makes me wonder if Jacob was supposed to be the first-born from the beginning, and the fight in the womb came from Esau being a bully and pushing his way to the front. I’ve seen too many take something they were sure should belong to them and then not respect it, so I know it can happen. And I know Esau could have sought God to sustain him until he was able to eat if his birthright meant anything at all to him. And now I’m ready to see all the blessings that come from one who values what he has and what he will do with the blessing of the first-born. Stay tuned.
P.S. I placed a NaNoWriMo widget at the top of my page, so you can always keep track of my word count. I was out most of the day, but I am happy to say that I added over 1800 more words to my count today. And I’m even feeling good about my character’s day of time travel.
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November 2, 2013 Posted by Crystal A Murray (aka CrystalWriter) | Bible Study, Nonfiction, Torah Commentary | Abraham, Adonai, Almighty, Avraham, barren, battle, Bible, Bible Gateway, Bible reading, Bible study, birth, birthright, Complete Jewish Bible, Creator, crystalwriter, elder, Esau, fight, firstborn, Genesis, Genesis 25, Genesis 26, God, hairy, healed, heel, history, Holy Bible, hunter, Isaac, Jacob, lentils, Lord, Old Covenant, Old Testament, Parashah, portion, portion 6, Portions, pregnancy, Rebekah, Rivkah, Scripture, seeking god, sibling rivalry, siblings, soup, stew, supplanter, The Complete Jewish Bible, toldot, Torah, Torah commentary, Torah Portions, Torah Reading, trade, twins, Word, Word of God, Word of the Lord, www.biblegateway.com, Yaakov, Yahveh, Yahweh, Yitzchak, younger | Leave a comment