Proverbs 31: Not a Trophy Wife, Just a Trophy
How many of my female readers dread this chapter of Proverbs because it feels like the world demands we strive for the perfections we see here? And how many of my male readers get depressed because they don’t have a Proverbs 31 woman? Well, it’s not quite as bad as any of you might think. And it’s more about the character of King Lemuel than it is about some “perfect” woman anyway.
In verse 1, in the Complete Jewish Bible, we read…
Mishlei (Pro) 31:1 CJB
[1] The words of King L’mu’el, the prophecy with which his mother disciplined him:
https://bible.com/bible/1275/pro.31.1.CJB
See, this mama wanted her son to be a valiant king, worthy of the blessings she is getting ready to give him. She begins with telling him what not to do. In verses 2-7, she warns him not to sacrifice his strength to women, and tells him to stay away from anything that can destroy kings. She also warns him to avoid strong liquor because it isn’t meant for kings and could make them forget even the decrees they made as laws. In verses 8 and 9, the Queen Mama goes from don’t’s to do’s as she tells him to speak for those who can’t, be an advocate and righteous judge, and to defend the poor and needy.
So what has this mama created in her son? She’s created, in Hebrew, a chayil or “valiant warrior.” This word (Strong’s H2428) is used for Boaz in Ruth 2:1…
Ruth 2:1 BSB
[1] Now Naomi had a relative on her husband’s side, a prominent man of noble character from the clan of Elimelech, whose name was Boaz.
https://bible.com/bible/3034/rut.2.1.BSB
The same word is used to describe Ruth in chapter 3, verse 11…
Ruth 3:11 BSB
[11] And now do not be afraid, my daughter. I will do for you whatever you request, since all my fellow townspeople know that you are a woman of noble character.
https://bible.com/bible/3034/rut.3.11.BSB
Note the noble character description for both. And here is the meat of Proverbs Chapter 31. Verses 10-31 are an acrostic poem of the letters in the Hebrew aleph-bet (alphabet). (The chapter link is for the KJV because it shows the acrostic letters.) Basically, it’s a kingly mnemonic to help Lemuel remember these necessary virtues for the type of the woman who should sit by his side and be his queen. This woman will be his crown as is mentioned in Proverbs 12:4a: ”A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown.” And by using the whole aleph-bet (aleph to tav), the mother is giving her son a behavior roadmap for his whole marriage and his whole life.
And verse 10 begins with that word chayil (actually eshet chayil for the woman) again…
Proverbs 31:10 BSB
[10] A wife of noble character, who can find? She is far more precious than rubies.
https://bible.com/bible/3034/pro.31.10.BSB
Here, I have to share from the word study of chayil at Bible Hub:
Moral Excellence and Noble Character
The Book of Ruth elevates the term beyond the battlefield: Boaz calls Ruth “a woman of noble character” (Ruth 3:11). Proverbs 31:10-31 culminates in the praise of “a wife of noble character” whose industrious life blesses family and community. Here chayil accents virtue, diligence, generosity and God-fearing devotion. Strength is measured not by force but by steadfast righteousness.
This not a list of things to do, or even things to be, it’s a character list of traits that will radiate from a heart that is right with God. Though God also knows our human form and that even a virtuous woman needs support and strength from a virtuous man to be at her best. Lemuel’s mom taught him to be that. We know from reading that this type of man trusts his wife and notices those virtues in her. He gives her praise to her face and speaks highly of her to others at the gate. He is the perfect husbandman who cares for his “vine” and helps her to blossom. He enables her to be in business for herself (she sells a field), be creative (she works the spindle), and gives her the servants she needs to take care of her home and family. He does not look only at her appearance as he would a “trophy wife” who’s used more for display than intrinsic value. To him, and to the dreams of his mama, she is truly a trophy.
Sometimes, especially in this world of disobedience to The Lord and His ways, it may seem impossible for either husbands or wives to be of noble character. Maybe we haven’t been raised that way. Maybe we’ve lived our lives as survivors and don’t even know where to begin. Maybe we’ve been married to someone who didn’t bring out the best in us–or maybe even crushed our best. Or maybe someone reading this is single and doesn’t have someone in their life to bring anything out for.
Wherever you are in this, I have hope for you. We all have a virtuous and valiant character for our ishi (husband) because the Bible says in Isaiah 54: 5,10…
Isaiah 54:5, 10 BSB
[5] For your husband is your Maker — the Lord of Hosts is His name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth.
[10] Though the mountains may be removed and the hills may be shaken, My loving devotion will not depart from you, and My covenant of peace will not be broken,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
https://bible.com/bible/3034/isa.54.5-10.BSB
May you see Yahveh Almighty as one worthy of being a trophy for. And if you are an unmarried man, may you learn to imitate God’s valiant and noble behaviors to attract your own trophy. If you’re an unmarried woman, may you be that trophy for God, and may He send you the noble man He has chosen to bring out the Proverbs 31 woman in you.
One final note: I’ve learned tonight that it is a Jewish tradition after the lighting of Sabbath candles for the man to sing “Eshet Chayil” (singing Proverbs 31:10-31) to his wife. He is not singing it as a checklist of chores but rather a praise at the end of the week for his warrior partner. I found a version of it in English with lyrics…
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