Strong Enough to Grieve
Temporary! That word carries both comfort and terror. Knowing that suffering will come to an end is comforting. Knowing the pain of loss when the end comes is terrifying.
Today marks 11 years since I said goodbye to my mom for the last time. It was bittersweet because of the healing that took place between us in her final days and hours. I wanted to let her go because I didn’t want her to suffer, but I didn’t want to let her go because I finally felt like I had a mom. Both the healing and the loss changed my life in more ways than I can count.
Anyone who was reading my blog knows that I pretty much stopped writing regularly after her passing. And then more losses and pain followed in the years after that made it hard to come back. But now that I’m here, and on this death anniversary, I want to focus on the good that God provides to comfort us in a life we have little control over. One bit of comfort is in that unseen eternity that carries more hope than anything in this world could ever provide. It’s a hope that my mom is there, in the Presence of our Creator and Lord, and enjoying every pain-free moment with Him. It’s a hope that I will see her again one day. And, it’s a hope that my own eternity will be filled with all the Love and Light that is God Almighty Himself. Those unseen hopes can carry a person through many troubles in this temporary life.
So, as I’ve been waxing poetic lately, I think it’s finally time to share the poem I feel God gave me shortly after my mom’s passing. I had been saving it to submit to a publisher, but maybe someone will stop by here who really needs to read it. Many have been brought to tears by the words in these verses, and I pray it blesses at least one someone out there.
STRONG ENOUGH TO GRIEVE
By Crystal A Murray (C) 2015 All Rights Reserved
No, you weren't the kind of mom that...
Fixed my lunches,
Made my bed,
Came to school functions,
Helped me study,
Or pushed me to graduate.
You didn't help me to...
Get ready for a prom,
Plan a perfect wedding,
Or prepare for a family.
See, we didn't have a storybook life.
Not even a sitcom, really.
Alcohol and mental illness,
Along with some bad "dads" in our home,
They stole hours and days.
They stole my childhood.
And yet, I loved you.
We finally became friends.
There were still many battles,
But I was old enough to stand.
And then we both got stronger.
The love of God changed our hearts.
And His grace changed our lives.
Old things went away... mostly.
But some damage was done.
Some scars would stay,
And even hurt at times.
You were better, but not always.
I was stronger yet often weak.
Oh, but I still loved you.
When the cancer came,
I was ready to fight in prayer,
But you said you were ready to go.
And so, I came to your side.
And that's when I learned...
You were still tormented.
You battled something oppressive that neither of us could see.
Much of what I took personally and hurt from
Wasn't about me.
But I had never known that.
It was all personal to me.
My hurts were so deep,
Healing seemed impossible,
And all my memories felt painful.
But then, a new friend prayed.
God sent her to both of us.
I had been strong enough...
To do what you needed,
To prepare for your death,
And to take care of business;
But I had not been strong enough to grieve.
After our friend prayed,
she taught us how to pray.
She showed us God's words that promised victory.
And then the peace came in.
You were delivered from your torment.
And I was set free to grieve.
I found memories of good times.
I sang you heaven songs--
Many I recalled from childhood.
And you rested.
I held your hand and felt new love for you;
Love not restricted and bound...
By years of pain,
By bad memories,
Or by guilt for my imperfections as a daughter.
Real, heartfelt love.
So, finally...
I grieved freely.
As your breath slowed,
As comfort took over pain,
And as God let me get some sleep, too.
You slipped away.
And I cried.
Now I remember the good.
And though it brings me sadness,
It also sets me free
because now...
I am strong enough to grieve.
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When We are Weak, He is Strong
No one wants to feel weak because weak equals powerless and powerlessness usually equals fear. It seems we’re bombarded daily with reminders of how powerless we are. We vote one way and the outcome is opposite. What used to be religious freedom rights, like businesses having the right to refuse services, are being stolen away over and over again. We can’t control gas prices, government decisions, pesticides and preservatives in our foods, or what’s being taught in public school classrooms. And just when we think we can control our own health, some new virus or other threat is discovered, and we’re all warned to be on the lookout.
But there is a way to have power even when we must deal with weakness. Today’s Infinite Supply newsletter has an encouraging message by author Chip Brogden.
Infinite Supply Image for November Twenty-Third by Chip Brogden
Click image to open a new tab/window to view the original article at the Chip Brogden (fka The School of Christ) website.
November 23
Power Through Weakness
“God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.”
1 CORINTHIANS 1:27 ESV
The Wisdom of God teaches us differently. This Wisdom tells us that the weak things are chosen to overcome the strong things, and power works concurrently with weakness.
God desires to give you power, but that power only comes through weakness. Any power not obtained through weakness is illegitimate, no matter how spiritual it appears. The only legitimate power is granted to those who have been made weak. Power is birthed in weakness. Many exude a certain “power,” but there is not the corresponding weakness. Hence, the power only gives them an occasion for boasting. To remedy this, God has ordained that all who would have His power must first be weakened and made empty – we refer to this as being “broken.” The purpose of weakness and suffering is to open the way for His Power. The instrument God uses to weaken us is the Cross. Therefore, the Cross is power through weakness.
Source: Embrace the Cross by Chip Brogden
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Copyright ©2017 ChipBrogden.com. All Rights Reserved. Permission is granted for non-commercial (free) distribution provided this notice appears. Share this message with your friends!
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Crystal’s Notes:
The cross is the one way I think we can imagine and accept weakness because the cross comes with promise instead of powerlessness. We’re told in 1 Corinthians 1:25 (ERV) that God’s strength is dependable because…
Even the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom. Even the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.
When we repent and lay ourselves in surrender at the foot of the cross, we have God’s wisdom and strength. Ask those who serve God in love for their testimony, and you’ll likely find it filled with surrenders that begin face-down and end face-up. We often fall beneath the loads of life, but when we land in the arms of The Lord, He lifts us up higher than we can imagine. King David, in Psalm 3:3 (AMP) said of God…
But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.
He lifts our heads. He turns our faces toward Him. If you serve Him in love, look back on your own testimonies, and you’ll find these promises to be true. We can trust His strength and that it will come through for us even when we’re battle-weary because He assures us He will never leave or forsake us. And because His strength is so much greater than our own, even when we are weak, if we have The Lord, we can say we are strong.
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Worth the Weight
Lift Me by Flickr User Keith Davenport, CC License = Attribution, Noncommercial, No Derivative Works
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I’m a fan of the show America’s Got Talent, and the one thing I notice about the majority of acts that get closest to the finish line is their amount of practice. If getting there truly matters, some of these people will drop almost everything else in their lives to become dedicated to the perfection of their talents. The strong men and weightlifters are not my favorite categories, but I have to admire the perseverance they have given to get to where they could lift and support at the levels they demonstrate. Imagine someone coming out in a leotard and demonstrating how strong they are by lifting a toothpick with a gumdrop on each end. Yeah, I wouldn’t be convinced either. 🙂
In today’s reading from Deuteronomy 10:12 through Deuteronomy 11:9, Moses talks to Israel about the value of serving and loving God with everything they’ve got to offer Him. Moses says, “…fear Adonai your God, follow all His ways, love Him and serve Adonai your God with all your heart and all your being.” He then tells them that The Lord asks them to obey these things for their own good.
Moses points out that all the earth and everything on it, plus the sky and the heavens beyond the sky, all belong to God. But God found favor in the ancestors of the current generation, and He chose them and their descendants to love and bless. Moses encourages them that to honor this great love, they should circumcise their hearts and be stiff-necked no longer because they serve the God of gods and the Lord of lords. His love is so great that He helps the widows, the orphans, and the foreigners, and He desires for His people to do the same because they were once foreigners in Egypt.
As Moses continues, he reminds the people that he is talking to them and not to their children because their children have not seen the greatness of God as He delivered them from Egypt. They did not see God open the earth to swallow the grandsons of Reuben when they created an uprising against Him and against Moses. But these people have seen the mighty hand of God, and they know how God has turned only seventy that went down to Egypt into a multitude like the stars in Heaven. And God asks that this multitude would honor and respect Him by following all His laws, so they will be strong enough to go in and posses the Land of Promise and dwell there for a long time.
I notice that Moses keeps referring to the blessings of keeping God’s law. He says that God only gives the law for their own good. He says that keeping the law will make them strong, and living according to God’s law promises a longer life. Sometimes the laws of doing right, can seem heavy. Staying moral and upright when sin comes in to tempt you and tries to tell you that you’re living a boring life (especially when you’re young) can be a battle. Being forgiving when someone has done you wrong can be difficult. Doing things God’s way, especially in faith and without question, can be as hard as swimming against the current when you’re fighting your own fleshly desire to have complete understanding before you move forward.
But just because life is hard and weights are heavy, we cannot quit. We all know that professional weightlifters do not start out lifting the heaviest set. They work up to higher amounts through repetition and practice. What seemed heavy for them at the beginning may seem light to them now. We, too, must continue to push ourselves and to practice until we build spiritual muscle that enables us to lift more and more as we work to become strong in The Lord.
Too much of the world wants to feel sorry for those who have a bit more weight to lift in this life, and they want to take the weight away, but it only creates weaker people. All the helpful do-gooders would be more help and do more good if they would become spotters rather than taking away the weights altogether. When we see someone who has it hard, we can give him a boost, but we should not steal his chance to become a strong person by doing his job for him. We should encourage, pray for, and watch over those in need, and then we will be blessed in helping them become strong in this life and in The Lord.
Yeshua told us to take up our own cross each day because He knew the blessing of spiritual muscle-building, and He knew we would receive help to bear it simply by asking for it. As each of us lifts the weightier matters in life and in things of The Spirit, we will reap the rewards of perseverance and faith. Let me encourage you now. Keep on pressing toward the mark of the high calling in Christ, and may we all rejoice when we cross that finish line with the power and strength God desires for us. It will be worth the weight.
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August 6, 2014 Posted by Crystal A Murray (aka CrystalWriter) | Bible Study, Nonfiction, Torah Commentary | Bible Commentary, Bible study, Complete Jewish Bible, Deuteronomy, Israel, law, Moses, Scripture, strength, Torah commentary, Torah Portions, weight, weights | Leave a comment