Crystal Writes A Blog

Strong Enough to Grieve

Temporary! That word carries both comfort and terror. Knowing that suffering will come to an end is comforting. Knowing the pain of loss when the end comes is terrifying.

Today marks 11 years since I said goodbye to my mom for the last time. It was bittersweet because of the healing that took place between us in her final days and hours. I wanted to let her go because I didn’t want her to suffer, but I didn’t want to let her go because I finally felt like I had a mom. Both the healing and the loss changed my life in more ways than I can count.

Anyone who was reading my blog knows that I pretty much stopped writing regularly after her passing. And then more losses and pain followed in the years after that made it hard to come back. But now that I’m here, and on this death anniversary, I want to focus on the good that God provides to comfort us in a life we have little control over. One bit of comfort is in that unseen eternity that carries more hope than anything in this world could ever provide. It’s a hope that my mom is there, in the Presence of our Creator and Lord, and enjoying every pain-free moment with Him. It’s a hope that I will see her again one day. And, it’s a hope that my own eternity will be filled with all the Love and Light that is God Almighty Himself. Those unseen hopes can carry a person through many troubles in this temporary life.

So, as I’ve been waxing poetic lately, I think it’s finally time to share the poem I feel God gave me shortly after my mom’s passing. I had been saving it to submit to a publisher, but maybe someone will stop by here who really needs to read it. Many have been brought to tears by the words in these verses, and I pray it blesses at least one someone out there.

STRONG ENOUGH TO GRIEVE
By Crystal A Murray (C) 2015 All Rights Reserved 

No, you weren't the kind of mom that...
Fixed my lunches, 
Made my bed, 
Came to school functions, 
Helped me study, 
Or pushed me to graduate. 

You didn't help me to...
Get ready for a prom, 
Plan a perfect wedding, 
Or prepare for a family. 

See, we didn't have a storybook life. 
Not even a sitcom, really. 
Alcohol and mental illness, 
Along with some bad "dads" in our home,
They stole hours and days. 
They stole my childhood. 
And yet, I loved you. 

We finally became friends. 
There were still many battles, 
But I was old enough to stand. 

And then we both got stronger. 
The love of God changed our hearts.
And His grace changed our lives. 

Old things went away... mostly. 
But some damage was done. 
Some scars would stay, 
And even hurt at times. 
You were better, but not always. 
I was stronger yet often weak. 
Oh, but I still loved you. 

When the cancer came, 
I was ready to fight in prayer, 
But you said you were ready to go. 
And so, I came to your side. 
And that's when I learned...

You were still tormented. 
You battled something oppressive that neither of us could see. 
Much of what I took personally and hurt from
Wasn't about me.
But I had never known that. 
It was all personal to me. 
My hurts were so deep,
Healing seemed impossible,
And all my memories felt painful. 

But then, a new friend prayed. 
God sent her to both of us. 
I had been strong enough...
To do what you needed, 
To prepare for your death, 
And to take care of business;
But I had not been strong enough to grieve. 

After our friend prayed, 
she taught us how to pray. 
She showed us God's words that promised victory. 

And then the peace came in. 
You were delivered from your torment. 
And I was set free to grieve. 
I found memories of good times. 
I sang you heaven songs--
Many I recalled from childhood. 
And you rested. 

I held your hand and felt new love for you;
Love not restricted and bound...
By years of pain,
By bad memories, 
Or by guilt for my imperfections as a daughter. 
Real, heartfelt love. 

So, finally...
I grieved freely.
As your breath slowed,
As comfort took over pain,
And as God let me get some sleep, too. 
You slipped away. 
And I cried. 

Now I remember the good.
And though it brings me sadness, 
It also sets me free
because now...
I am strong enough to grieve. 

January 13, 2026 - Posted by Crystal A Murray (aka CrystalWriter) | Bible, Christianity, Creative Image Editing, Devotion, Nonfiction, Poetry, Prayer, Slice of Life, Text on Image, Walking With The Lord | 2 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians 4:18, Bible, Bible verse, Bible verse on image, childhood pain, dysfunction, grief, grieving, healing, hope, mothers and daughters, poem, poetry, prayer, Scripture, strength, strong